Giving up

Dave: "So, Didi, what you're saying is... you're not coming???"

That's right. After driving myself crazy for the past five days trying to get tickets to the Foo Fighters concert I've decided to give up. What a lame fan, I know. First I find out they are playing in DC. So I scrounge around for tickets. No luck. Then they announce a show in Philly. Even better. But all the internet presale tickets are in galactically crappy seats. Then in class today I find out I have to spend another $75 on books, a nametag, a stethoscope, and sphygmomanometer. And that was the kicker. I really can't afford to go to a concert any more. I have no income and unfortunately need to eat for the next couple months. So alas, no Foo for me. :*(

Only a weekend

I really hate being a chick sometimes. Mainly because I often have more feelings and emotions than I really care to. And these can be rather bothersome. So in an effort to clear my head, vent a little, etcetera etcetera, I wrote this little ditty.

have to keep reminding myself
that it was only a weekend
before i overanalyze
and go way off the deep end

tried my best to have control
i would not get too close
but things just went the way they did
my heart has been exposed

can't think too much about it
need to stop asking why
just accept it, no regrets
and that should get me by

i refuse to deal with drama
so i'm getting off this train
as much as i really want it
love will have to wait

An ever expanding empire

With the recent news about Google's newest goal of acquiring a niche in the world of instant messaging, I must admit alarms went off in my head. Yet, dare I comment on Blogger, a Google supported platform? Of course I do! After all, that is the purpose of blogs. Furthermore, if Blogger decides to sever my access, it will be of little concern to me. I mean, I would be sad, but I'll live. So here I go.

Alongside Google's main search engine, programs like Gmail, Picasa, and, of course, Blogger, have garnered significant user bases, and the advent of instant messaging undoubtedly promises much more. But do you hear that tiny voice that seems to be repeating one word? Hint: starts with M and ends with onopoly. Or perhaps instant messaging is just one more innocent step in the creation of a friendly Google universe where access to all these programs remains free to users and they receive quality services complete with the latest technology available. If that's the case, go ahead, Google. Improve my life.

Still disoriented

So my favorite story of being the Pacific fish in the Atlantic ocean is the one about the time I got lost in Delaware. I'm looking for Borders so I can go study and I accidentally take the wrong exit. No problem. I'll just take side streets to back to where I need to be. I don't need a map, I can figure this out. So I come to a stop sign at a T-intersection. Two choices: 40 East or 40 West. I thinking to myself, "Okay, I need to head away from the ocean which means I go... east!" So I take 40 east and I'm driving down it for a while. Still no Borders. I keep driving and driving thinking it has to be here somewhere. All of a sudden I see these big buildings everywhere and whaddya know, I'm in the city. This basically means I'm many miles from Borders. Then it dawns on me. I smack myself in the forehead I'm such an numbnut. THE OCEAN IS EAST!!

All this time that I've been living on the West Coast I've always oriented myself according to the ocean. Unfortunately, in Delaware, along with all the other states on the Eastern seaboard, the ocean is on the east.

Despite the fact that this silly little event occured more than a month ago, I often catch myself setting my bearings in the wrong direction due to the fact that I still forget the ocean is on the east. I guess what I really wanted to say was that I never truly realized how something so simple as finding my way around town could become difficult because of an idea, like where the ocean is situated, that was thoroughly and deeply ingrained in my head and which would later turn out to be quite significant when changing coasts.

Good-bye to Gross

Okay, last exam of gross anatomy is over with. I think I did okay on the lab practicals. The written part. Well it looked at me, laughed its mighty head off, and said "Foolish girl. Your idiocy is charming." So yeah. That was that. It's over. I should find out today or tomorrow how horrible I did. Okay, I'm being way too pessimistic.

So to combat my minor depression I'm going to go to a baseball game. Geez, I feel like it's been forever since I've gone, but really it's only been about two months. I don't know why I love baseball so much. It's true, there's a lot of sitting around a waiting. But don't you do the same thing in golf? And people love that sport. Oh well.

The real highlight of this week was saying good-bye to cadaver lab. No more dead bodies, no more weird smells, no more disgusted looks from other people who can smell you right after you've been working on a cadaver for 2-3 hours. And my lab clothes. They are going in the dumpster today. From here on out it I'll be working with the living and that is perfectly fine with me.

8.5 hours to go

My last exam for gross anatomy is in 8.5 hours. I guess I'll sleep for 6 of them. I'm not sure when I'm going to sleep. All I know is that I want to finish this chapter on the ankle and then maybe if I have energy go through my flashcards once more before I go to sleep. Then maybe I'll feel better about myself.

I am literally hanging on by a thread right now. Well maybe it's more of a small rope. I need to maintain a B in order to stay in the program and my carelessness on the first exam really pulled me out of a safe spot. I totally rushed through the first exam, making way too many dumb mistakes. The second exam was only better by a bit. This time I have to tell myself to slow down and really think. There seems to be still so much that I don't know. And I just really don't feel like studying anymore. And normally that's not a bad thing because that usually means that I've studied so much that I don't want to go over things again. But right now there is still much that I need to run through before I feel okay. Problem is, like I said earlier, that I don't fee like doing it. I need some motivation. But where am I going to get motivation at 1:40 am? Oooh, I'll bet the meteor shower looks pretty good right now.

I feel like eating to keep me awake too, but I'm afraid of having too many calories today. Because I really don't know if I'm going to workout much this weekend, what with my sister visiting. So... yeah.... Here I am. I just can't wait for this all to be over with. Then I have two grandiose weeks of freedom! Ah, I can't wait.

the prettiest sacral plexus you ever saw

This here is the madness that I have to know by Friday. That's right. The nerve pathway to your genitalia. Fascinating, isn't it?

how dare she!

I'm loaning my roommate my red dress for this wedding that she's going to next weekend. And she looks damn hot in it. She looks better in this dress than I ever do. I guess it helps to be three inches taller. Grrrr... makes me so angry! Why can't I be tall and thin with blue eyes and blonde hair? Oh, because I'd start to resemble every other person in Delaware. Still, does she have to look so nice in my clothes???

what now?

she thinks she knows how she feels
and that dictates how she acts
but what dictates how she feels
changes when she turns her back

now a new plan of action
based on the changes before
things are starting to look up
she may possibly end up with more

then another change happens
now she doesn't know how to act
should she start doing this?
or is it better just to do that?

she thought she knew what to do
she knew the actions to take
maybe she's just overthinking it all
she hopes she's not making a mistake

-d

The latest

Well it's Friday and I felt like I should waste a couple more minutes before I really start studying for my last anatomy exam. Actually, the studying started a couple days ago (which was, in all actuality, a couple days after my last exam). That's right. I started studying for my final a week and half in advance. This would never happen in undergrad. Oh those were the days. I could totally get by with studying only a day or so before the test. These days, it's honestly just been study study study. Everyday I have to study. Each one of my friends that I saw go off to grad school before me lamented to me about their first year of it. And no matter what kind of program they were in, it was definitely more work than undergrad. And now I know how they feel.

On another note. I miss California. How weird is that? I was totally fed up with that place in the six months before I had to leave it. So many things about it were driving me crazy. Not to mention, some people in particular. But now that I am on the other side of the country, I miss it. I miss the Mexican food. I miss the Asian food. I miss my Mexicans and my Asians. Dim sum, pho, carnitas, and hookah? Nowhere to be found in these parts. I miss how everything (mainly shopping) is nice and close. I miss the cool ocean breeze. I miss the ARC. I miss my friends. I miss playing outside with them. And I don't know if I'll ever go back either.

My plan right now is to head back to Washington after I'm done here. But who knows if that will happen? Things happen, plans change. California, Washington, or somewhere else. I could land anywhere. I guess right now I have to sit back and enjoy my time on the East Coast. And try to decide in a month from now whether or not I want to grow my hair out again or keep it short. Decisions, decisions. ;)