OOB: Out of Bed

My name is not Petey

2009-06-14T01:48:00.005-04:00

"Are you with PT?" a nurse in the ICU asks me.
"Yep." I reply.

But the thing is, I know that she knows I'm a PT. How does she know? I've worked with dozens of her patients. And 99.9% of the time I talk with patients' nurses before I work with them. And nurses are not dumb. Her question is more or less an in to say "When are you gonna work with my patient?"

The other similar question and more to the fact that the person doesn't know my name is "Hey PT, are you gonna work with Mr. Patient?"

Seriously, I've been working at this hospital for almost a year now. In the same unit for most of that year. And I worked really hard to learn names of doctors, nurses, OT's, Speechies, RT's, CNA's, secretaries, etc. Not just in my unit, but in all the other units I occasionally work. So, that being said, one would think that this nurse who has worked in the ICU for years would try and learn the name of the "new" PT who's been working in her unit for the past how many months.

I mean, when someone new is in the tele unit, I notice, and if I'm seeing them pretty consistently I would try and learn their name. Especially if they are caring for one of my patients. Ya know?? I'm just saying.

Time for Blood Pressure

2009-06-14T01:32:00.005-04:00

There aren't enough dynamaps (blood pressure cuff) in my hospital for me to have one all the time so I'm constantly checking blood pressure using wall cuffs. So I have to laugh at myself when I'm pumping up a cuff and I don't see the needle moving. What???

Oh... That's the clock I was looking at, not the pressure gauge. :)

The Dreaded "Not Yet"

2009-01-26T20:01:00.002-05:00

Part of my job is to determine how patients respond to activity so when I'm walking patients around in the hospital I have to ask them things like "Are you feeling dizzy? Lightheaded? Nausea? Pain anywhere? Do you feel weak like your knees are gonna buckle underneath you?"

People often deny any of these symptoms or even give me weird looks like I'm crazy for asking them such silly questions. And then, of course, I get the occasional "Not yet." :-0

What does that mean? Are they gonna feel sick, painful, or faint on me in 30 seconds? A minute? Two hours from now? Should I be on complete alert ready to catch them as if they could faint at any second? Is this a contact guard assist or stand-by assist?

Thankfully most of the time I get these particular patients back to their rooms without having to do any fireman carries.

Still, I'm not a fan of "Not yet."

The Sitting Incident with Mr. Hypoglyemic

2008-11-29T22:16:00.003-05:00

This is definitely one of the best stories I have starting out as a new PT. I'll never forget this guy. Ever.

A PT eval was ordered for Mr. Hypoglycemic. a 70-something year old man status post abdominal surgery/colostomy. I walk into his room and greet him as I do every other new patient, "Hi, I'm Catalina. I'm from physical therapy and your doctor wanted me to come by and see how you do getting up and around."

Mr. Hypoglycemic, in his very symptomatic hypoglycemic grumpiness, responds, "Listen sweetie. I've run seventeen marathons in my life. I run and work out every day. What can you possibly teach me about physical therapy?" This, coming from a man post-op day 1 and who's in the ICU. I go through the usual eval (strength, ROM, mobility, etc) all trying to keep a smile on my face and not punch this guy for all the lip and attitude he's giving throughout this entire ordeal.

Finally I get him OOB, and he manages to take a few steps to sit in a chair next to his bed. As soon as he sits down he's got this really weird, contorted look on his face and he's not saying anything. I ask him if anything is wrong. He says, "Yeah, I'm sitting on my balls."

"Uh, is there anything I can do?" I say, afraid of the answer.

"Yeah, I'm gonna stand up a little bit and you can just grab them and pull them forward." Yep, that's what I was afraid he was going to say. If it was any other of my nicer patients I wouldn't have minded so much. But this guy was just all mean and nasty to me, which made the whole experience that much more unpleasant.Needless to say, I help him out of his situation and he at least gives me a thank you. I leave hoping this is the last I'll ever have to deal with this guy. Later the nurse comes out and says his blood sugar was really low and she had to give him some just now and maybe that's why he was such a grump this morning.

See, I didn't realize beforehand that his blood sugar was running so low. I just chalked his nastiness up to being an old man completely set in his ways.

The next day he's on my schedule again. I dread it. But then I go up, and he apologizes profusedly about being such cantankerous old man. Smiling, I tell him it's water under the bridge and we've got work to do.

Mr. Hypoglycemic turned out to be one of the coolest guys on my schedule for a while. Yeah he was particular about a lot of things but he was always willing to compromise with me for the sake of his health. The second day I saw him he said, "You and I are going to be great friends, Catalina." I didn't believe him, but lo and behold, we did just that.

Good Bye "A Pacific Fish in the Atlantic Ocean."

2008-11-22T03:07:00.003-05:00

I started blogging many moons ago. And then I stopped. And then I sorta started again, but really didn't.

These days I have these great stories (mostly from work as an acute care physical therapist) that I want to tell everyone. I thought, hell, here's as good a place as any to do it.

But before I take this blog in a new direction (from PT student on the East Coast to new PT in Seattle and other great stories) I just wanted to pay homage to how this whole shennanigan began.

Here is the original blog blurb. (hehehe blog blurb is funny sounding)

A Pacific Fish in the Atlantic Ocean
This is the true story of a West Coast girl picked to attend a top physical therapy program on the East Coast and have her life blogged so you can see what happens when she stops being polite and starts getting physical. PT Girl: Newark.

That said, I hope that readers (all 2 of you) enjoy what is to come. :)

My Secret Fear

2008-05-05T00:54:00.003-04:00

Whenever I see anyone smoking and drinking alcohol at the same time I'm always secretly afraid they're going to catch themselves on fire.

Finned Migration

2008-04-27T18:52:00.002-04:00

This Pacific fish finally bid the Atlantic ocean fucking adieu. It was good times but my moment has come to return, like the Pacific Salmon does yearly, to her home river. I guess that wouldn't be so much of a migration then, would it? This is much more permanent. A total transplantation. Yep.

In any case, with that in mind, it's only natural that I rename this blog. Goodbye "A Pacific Fish in the Atlantic Ocean." Haven't yet thought of a new title. Any suggestions? In the mean time...

David out. ;)

The Naturist and The Ghetto

2006-07-16T14:04:00.000-04:00

Almost one complete day of living with Nature Boy and I'm still alive and fully clothed. It is way too strange... I've thought about whether or not I'd ever put myself in this situation again. Hmm... yeah, I just don't see it happening. EVER! Thank gawd he covers his twigs and berries with his hands whenever he faces me.

Another thing I realized. My apartment is in the ghetto. Okay, it's not extremely ghetto. But let's just say I'm a long way from Irvine. I'm in a big Portuguese neighborhood and I don't know if it's just the heat, or the weekend, but it seems like half the neighborhood is hanging out right outside my window until the wee hours of the morning.

Again... this has the makings of a very interesting summer.

How I long for stadium seating...

2006-07-02T11:59:00.000-04:00

Watched Superman Returns last night. Went to the big theater hoping to watch it on a big screen with surround sound with stadium seating. But of course I forgot I'm in the middle of nowheresville in Maryland. The auditorium we were in had a 110 person capacity. I was utterly disappointed. It's enough to make a woman go mad. Oh, Movie Capital USA, how my heart yearns for thee...

And my ever growing list of other things I miss about California...
1. Jamba Juice
2. In-n-Out
3. Dry heat (as opposed to this 83% humidity nonsense)
4. Beach 20 minutes away
5. My sister nearby... ;) yeah, that was for you, Chachi

My Boomerang

2006-05-05T20:45:00.000-04:00

So a little more than a month ago I met up with this guy who I knew had a thing for me. I had been having a dry spell, so I got me some bootie. No strings attached. He wanted me to spend the night. I left way early in the morning before he went to work. Quick smooch and I was bye bye. And I haven't talked to him since. All I could think was, so this is what its like to be the guy.

Boot Scootin' Boogie

2006-04-29T23:24:00.000-04:00

A few girls in my class were celebrating their birthday in the same week so a bunch of us went country line dancing. I now know how to do the Boot Scootin' Boogie. Okay, so country line dancing is not necessarily an East Coast thing, but an adventure nonetheless. That stuff is hard work! Definitely not something you would find me doing in California or Washington. Thank gawd for the alcohol, though.

Breakdown #2

2006-04-06T12:28:00.000-04:00

I'm seriously wondering if this is going to become some sort of semester tradition. Yeah, that's right, I had another emotional breakdown this week. Last semester I was flunking practicals left and right. This time around the last straw was getting an email from my neuro professor that my written assignment (which was one of the best in the class) was going to get a 50% because I didn't turn in my rewrites (that were beyond what he asked for in the first place) on time. I fucking did his fucking assigment and even though I did a fucking fantastic job, I'm still getting fucking screwed. And normally I wouldn't really care about these two little measly points. But because I'm in the position that I am where I'm scraping by GPA-wise, I need all the stupid little points I can get.

So yeah, after hours upon hours of very slow studying for another neuro test my frustration and exhaustion got the best of me and... on came the sprinklers. And no one was there to hold me. :(

The Class Idiot (minor venting)

2006-04-04T20:09:00.000-04:00

Ugh, I study my ass off and still manage to get the lowest grade in the class. Sure, an 82 is nothing about which I should be disappointed. But I actually felt confident about this test and my genius roommate barely studied and still did amazingly better than I did. In fact, the whole friggen class did better than me. Kill me now! I know I should be happy with my grade, and part of me is, but dammit, do I always have to be the dumbest person in the class? Ugh, I don't even know why I'm angry. This is my first grade this semester that wasn't a C. I've gotta start thinking like my law school friends and just learn to be satisfied with my own mediocrity. How did I manage to successfully surround myself by people I could outscore all these years? Now all of a sudden I'm barely making the grade. Sucks to be me.

Well, that was somewhat helpful, but mainly futile. I still feel like crap. Oh well. Off to study for neuro.

Asian in Delaware

2006-03-22T22:44:00.000-05:00

This is how I've managed to survive being a single rice eater.

Cooking a big pot of rice and then freezing my single portions for later use. Hopefully my next relocation will find me with fellow ricers.

And speaking Asians, I found out where all the Asians at UDel have been hiding. In the damned library! Typical. Just kidding. But really, I started studying there and all of sudden they were everywhere! It was like I was back in SoCal. Now if I could only find one that was single, good looking, and Catholic. Tall order, I know.

You're gonna do what with a hammer?

2006-03-05T13:10:00.000-05:00

Last week my neuroscience professor was lecturing about pain and wind up. To emphasize the degree of assault our bodies endure when we have orthopedic surgery he referred to such procedures are "glorified carpentry." And I thought about it. And yeah, it really is.

Repaired ankle fracture

Broken Femur

Intermedullary Rod for Tibia

Yep, those surgeons really do take a hammer to your bones and whack away. No disrespect to the doctors of course. Still in utter amazement of what they do.

Rory vs. Sasha

2006-02-22T17:28:00.000-05:00

Disregarding the eye color, tell me I'm not the only one who sees this.

How can I miss another show?

2006-02-18T22:19:00.000-05:00

So I REEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY want to go this Death Cab for Cutie concert in April, but I don't know if I should put down the bucks for it. I mean, I've a bunch of things to be saving up for.

1. Spring Break in Socal
2. Bachelorette party and maid of honor dress and wedding gift
3. Snowboarding trip (and gear to be bought at end of season sales)
4. Gemini season (everyone in my family but me has something to celebrate)
5. Summer internship in Jersey

But I haven't been to a concert in soooooo long. And Franz Ferdinand is playing too. And then there's this whole problem of who's going to come with me. In Cali I've got pals who wouldn't miss this opportunity. Here, not so much. Very weird. Ugh... so many pit tickets on ebay just calling my name! So unfair. And I just keep thinking... Well I don't really need snowboard stuff. And when am I going to have another chance to see Death Cab and Franz Ferdinand? And I have a job don't I? I can put money away for this! Plus my financial aid should be coming in soon. And I ought to get a tax refund this year too! ARgh... Maybe I should just wait for a sign. Yeah, some divine intervention! That's it!! I need Ben to come knocking on my door. Any second now...

In the mean time I must add, I can't wait for DCFC's new Directions videos.

MCL and Adrenaline

2006-02-15T19:37:00.000-05:00

Orthopedists, physical therapists, and other joint specialists all cringed as we saw Zhang Dan fall after attempting the first throw quadruple salchow in competition. She basically landed on her right blade and left knee, the knee taking a valgus force. I was completely surprised that she was able to go on after what I assumed was a pretty bad MCL (medial collateral ligament) injury. But Zhang and Zhang finished their routine without their confidence being shaken a bit. You've got to applaud what our bodies' natural painkillers can do. For Zhang Dan, they allowed her to compete and win a silver medal.

Xtra Lame

2006-02-08T18:25:00.000-05:00

So the Superbowl was depressing. I have to admit, the Steelers played a great game. And I could sit here and complain about how the Seahawks didn't, how Brown lost it, how Alexander never got it, how EVERYTHING was biased toward the Steelers, etcetera etcetera. But I won't do that. But this guy says what I think needs to said and notes what should have been noted.

Halftime show: Boring. Damned FCC.

My favorite Superbowl commercial.

Lovey Dovey Pink and Red Hearts with Flowers and Chocolates Day

2006-02-04T22:23:00.000-05:00

With all this Valentine's Day stuff everywhere at stores and whatnot, I couldn't help but think, "Bummer, I don't have a Valentine this year." But then I came to my senses and thought, "Oh wait, then it will be just like last year." Crappy ass ex-boyfriend did nada for me. Zip, zero, zilch, nothing. Might as well have been single. Then at least I wouldn't have spent money buying a gift. I guess it coulda been worse. Hitting the bars on the 14th is seeming like a better idea every day.

Lost and Confused

2006-01-30T17:01:00.000-05:00

So I had a weekend class. No big deal, right? Wrong!

This past weekend the pulmonary section of my cardiopulmonary class was held from 8 am to 5 pm both Saturday and Sunday. Thankfully, the professor was good. Unfortunately I had to go straight to work right afterward. So that basically meant that I had 13 hour days, on the friggen weekend, lest you forget. I was drinking coffee and snacking like crazy just to get through the days and then I would get home from work and stuff my face with dinner at around 9:30.

The whole experience was completely disorienting. I knew it was the weekend, but it still felt like weekdays. And my brain was being loaded with all kinds of information for hours on end. So come Monday, it feels like a Wednesday or Thursday or something. I don't know. And my body is completely out of wack with the all day snacking.

Hopefully I'll get back to normal in a couple days. Note to self: Avoid full day weekend classes at all costs.

A Happy List

2006-01-24T00:12:00.000-05:00

Life ain't too shabby these days.

1. The Seattle Seahawks are going to SUPERBOWL XL!!! I love it, the year I actually decide to follow them they go all the way to the top. I love these guys. They have been solid this entire season and have been incredibly overlooked. Everytime I watched Sports Center or checked out Sports Illustrated.com all the stories have been about the Colts, the Patriots, the Eagles, the Bears, the Broncos, etc. It just seemed that barely anyone was taking notice of what an incredible season the Seahawks were having. Finally, Shaun Alexander was named NFL MVP. That was good. But what really put the icing on my cake was their ticket to the Superbowl. Their first ever. Need to find a good place to watch it. Alas, the tv in my apartment is only a mere 13 inches. Otherwise I'd throw my own Superbowl party.

2. Sunday had a good hair day.

3. Reconciled with one of my best friends after a three month hiatus.

4. Baked peanut butter cookies from scratch. Yum...

Gotta love the DD

2006-01-21T23:25:00.000-05:00

Of which DD, praytell, am I speaking? Myself? Didi? No, but loving me is not a bad thing. Just ask my ex. Mwah ha ha ha ha!! Back to the topic at hand. Designated Drivers? Not talking about those DD's either, but again, we should all love and be thankful for them.

The DD that I've gotta love is Dunkin Donuts. Particularly their coffee. It's so much tastier than Starbucks. And the wake-up factor is unbelieveable. When I drink non-DD coffee I'll get a buzz for about 2-3 hours. With DD coffee, Yikes! I'm good for another 6-8 hours.

Perhaps it was being on the West Coast, particularly in Washington state, during the days that I started drinking coffee did I come to believe the best coffee I could ever hope for was Starbucks. Then I moved here and there were DD's everywhere! I thought, how could coffee from a donut joint surpass the gourmet of Starbucks? Oh but it did.

So I raise my cup of Toasted Almond with cream and sugar and offer a Cheers to Dunkin "My Savior During Exams" Donuts. Oh, and I'll take a Boston Cream Pie donut to go.

Latest Part 3

2005-11-21T01:37:00.000-05:00

Haven't blogged in more than a month. Sorry, been busy flunking out of grad school.

1. Okay so I haven't really flunked out. Not yet at least. But somehow I've managed to get C's on the last five exams I took. Not so bad in undergrad. Career-threatening in grad school as I am allowed only so many 2.0's overall. So that's a little on the crappy side.

2. Survived the weekend with the ex. He is still not over me. And I don't mean that in any egotistical way whatsoever. Bugger still owes me money.

3. Birthday in a few weeks. The big quarter century. Yippee. I just spent the last two hours completing a wish list. Thought it would be fun if I did 25 things. It was harder than I expected.

4. Survived my first date since the breakup. Sorry, no chemistry. Bummer. I think God really is trying to tell me to cool it and just concentrate on school. Too bad. Boys really are a lot of fun.

5. Ran my second 5K. 31:40. I know I'm slow. I'm new at this. Give me a break. I was only two minutes slower than the third place winner in my age category, so ha! Well heck, I haven't run a 10 minute mile in years, so I think I'm doing pretty well. Plus in a few weeks, I'll be in a whole new age group. Maybe that'll give me a better chance. ;)

Dr. Pooh

2005-10-07T19:55:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to take some time to recognize one of my Physical Therapy teachers, Dr. Pooh. No, his name is not really Dr. Pooh, but I just realized today that he is completely Winnie the Pooh-like. He's a little on the slow side (compared to the other faculty here) and is basically this big teddy bear that tries to do his best day to day and looks to see the good in people. I will admit, he drove me absolutely crazy for the first few months, but after a while I have really come to appreciate him. He is honestly a really sweet guy. He may not be an incredible professor, but he tries and I admire his effort to connect with the class. At first his teaching style drove me up the wall, but after a while I stopped looking to be inspired to learn by some bold intellectual and instead was satisfied learning from a nice guy who has been in this field for a while and knows a lot. Cheers to you, Dr. Pooh!

Physical Therapy in the NFL

2005-10-02T17:30:00.000-04:00

So I'm watching the Redskins Seahawks game today. Find out Jansen on the Redskins is playing with two broken thumbs. Chuwabiddah??? (Translation: Say what?) My anatomy teacher is a huge sports buff and was just talking last week about professional athletes and how they get injured, get surgery, and get back to work way too fast. I think this is a prime example. It honestly boggled my mind to see the cast/splint they put on this Jansen's hands. The guy is playing football with broken bones. How is this alright?

Physical therapy for football players has to be somewhat of a joke. I mean, in school I'm learning about the importance of successful recovery and rehabilitation. I hear about all these different injuries that can happen and how physical therapists can help to improve these people's lives and prevent reinjury. A PT in the NFL must think to herself or himself "What am I doing? I'm merely providing temporary help. After I work with these players they are just going to injure themselves all over again in one way or another. And I know in the back of my mind that these guys are going to have major health problems as they get older." But then again, in PT school you also learn about taking care of the needs of the patient and helping them to achieve their goals. And often what you think their goal should be is not what they want. But our job is to get them to their goals. So I guess for the NFL PTs their job is to get their patients back to the field as soon as possible.

need my cox

2005-09-20T21:49:00.000-04:00

Dr. Cox, that is. So I just realized that Scrubs won't be airing new episodes until mid-season. So bummed. Guess I have to wait until Chicken Little comes out for the latest dose of Zach Braff. Eh, who am I kidding? I'm not gonna watch it. I thought about starting a petition on the Petition Site to get Scrubs back on TV. Didn't happen. I would also like to take this moment to say that I do not like Mandy Moore and Zach Braff together. Maybe it's just because I like Zach a lot more than I like her. But whatever. I just can't believe that Joey is still getting air time when Scrubs is a megazillion times better. At least the Emmy people are finally catching on. Despite their preposterous need to cling on to Will & Grace, they managed to recognize the fantastic work being done on the Scrubs set. Well, at least Zach has an Grammy. If only Neil Flynn & John C. McGinley could get a little love too. ;)

A New Chapter

2005-09-15T15:30:00.000-04:00

I took this pic of East Philly on Labor Day 2005.

Life right now is very different from anything I've ever lived before.

1. Graduate school
I'm here. The things I'm learning relate directly to my career. I'm not learning physics, bio, or chem. I am literally learning how to be a physical therapist. Weird...

2. Living on the East Coast
I've left my comfort zone. I'm farther than I have ever been from everything that I know and love. And I am all by myself here.

3. No current romance
So much all by myself. Broke up with my boyfriend of six years. And I guess I'm lonely now. I'm just so used to expressing and giving my love and now I feel like I have all this affection to give and no one to give it to. There are so many things I miss about having someone. Don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly fine being on my own, but I just really miss having that connection with someone. Ick, this sounds so pathetic I have to stop talking about it!

4. Blogging
Before I used to blog because I knew that someone in particular was reading it. Not so much these days. I don't even know if that person still reads this. Now writing has become a nice outlet for things. My very first entry into this blog I asked, who in the world is ever going to read this? But now, that doesn't matter anymore. This blog has come to be an outlet for rantings about physical therapy school, thoughts about life in general, and poetry from time to time.

I think that's all I have to say for now. David out. ;)

The Bert Shirt

2005-09-13T16:04:00.000-04:00

I wore my Bert shirt today. Got plenty of compliments on it. I just have to express my love for Bert. I truly feel that he is completely misunderstood by so many people. Sure, he may seem boring compared to his roommate Ernie. But in my opinion, Ernie is just annoying and inconsiderate. Like that time when Bert wanted to go to sleep, but Ernie wouldn't let him. What kind of roommate is that?

Bert is such a nice guy. He enjoys his collections and wears cool argyle socks. Why wouldn't you like him? I believe wholeheartedly that there is always something to be said for that unusual guy. Give the other girls their Tom Cruises, Brad Pitts, Ernies, whatever. Let me have the Topher Graces, Zach Braffs, and Berts. That's my kind of guy.

The latest, Part 2

2005-09-11T14:17:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to take some time to acknowledge some changes in my life. Yes, this move to the East Coast has inspired new interests. Or perhaps, just enhanced old interests.

First, I've been drinking more than I ever have in my entire life. It has mainly been beer that has been wetting my whistle. Maybe it's just that I didn't hang out with my beer drinking buds in California enough. I don't know. But we will have to see how much longer I can keep going out and drinking without a job. Funds are running low.

And speaking of running, I've been doing that more these days as well. I don't run very far or for very long, but I've been doing it and that oughtta count. My roommate asked me if I wanted to run the Scott Mackler 5K with her in a month. At first I thought no way. I probably run a 15 minute mile. Then I figured, eh, what the hey, I can train for a month. It's only a 5K. If I'm slow, then I'm slow. At least it will give me a goal to work toward. And of course, it's for a good cause.

Lastly, I've been watching more sports than ever before. I don't know if it's the fact that I finally have cable tv, but I've been watching baseball, football, soccer, and tennis. Baseball I'm probably watching more because of the greater variety I get with cable (I love this game!). Tennis I've been watching more because my roommate watches it and I've always liked watching. Soccer, again because of that same roommate, and then World Cup is next year so the games are a little more exciting. Football is a result of both of my roommates. One is a Patriots fan. The other is a Redskins fan, but more importantly has a fantasy football team. And Shaun Alexander is on her team, so now I know I'll be keeping up with my Seahawks.

All pleasant changes. Well, with the beer, it's all good as long as I keep running. Gotta keep all those calories off. Otherwise life is fine and dandy.

Giving up

2005-08-31T22:16:00.000-04:00

Dave: "So, Didi, what you're saying is... you're not coming???"

That's right. After driving myself crazy for the past five days trying to get tickets to the Foo Fighters concert I've decided to give up. What a lame fan, I know. First I find out they are playing in DC. So I scrounge around for tickets. No luck. Then they announce a show in Philly. Even better. But all the internet presale tickets are in galactically crappy seats. Then in class today I find out I have to spend another $75 on books, a nametag, a stethoscope, and sphygmomanometer. And that was the kicker. I really can't afford to go to a concert any more. I have no income and unfortunately need to eat for the next couple months. So alas, no Foo for me. :*(

Only a weekend

2005-08-28T02:30:00.000-04:00

I really hate being a chick sometimes. Mainly because I often have more feelings and emotions than I really care to. And these can be rather bothersome. So in an effort to clear my head, vent a little, etcetera etcetera, I wrote this little ditty.

have to keep reminding myself
that it was only a weekend
before i overanalyze
and go way off the deep end

tried my best to have control
i would not get too close
but things just went the way they did
my heart has been exposed

can't think too much about it
need to stop asking why
just accept it, no regrets
and that should get me by

i refuse to deal with drama
so i'm getting off this train
as much as i really want it
love will have to wait

An ever expanding empire

2005-08-24T16:16:00.000-04:00

With the recent news about Google's newest goal of acquiring a niche in the world of instant messaging, I must admit alarms went off in my head. Yet, dare I comment on Blogger, a Google supported platform? Of course I do! After all, that is the purpose of blogs. Furthermore, if Blogger decides to sever my access, it will be of little concern to me. I mean, I would be sad, but I'll live. So here I go.

Alongside Google's main search engine, programs like Gmail, Picasa, and, of course, Blogger, have garnered significant user bases, and the advent of instant messaging undoubtedly promises much more. But do you hear that tiny voice that seems to be repeating one word? Hint: starts with M and ends with onopoly. Or perhaps instant messaging is just one more innocent step in the creation of a friendly Google universe where access to all these programs remains free to users and they receive quality services complete with the latest technology available. If that's the case, go ahead, Google. Improve my life.

Still disoriented

2005-08-18T01:27:00.000-04:00

So my favorite story of being the Pacific fish in the Atlantic ocean is the one about the time I got lost in Delaware. I'm looking for Borders so I can go study and I accidentally take the wrong exit. No problem. I'll just take side streets to back to where I need to be. I don't need a map, I can figure this out. So I come to a stop sign at a T-intersection. Two choices: 40 East or 40 West. I thinking to myself, "Okay, I need to head away from the ocean which means I go... east!" So I take 40 east and I'm driving down it for a while. Still no Borders. I keep driving and driving thinking it has to be here somewhere. All of a sudden I see these big buildings everywhere and whaddya know, I'm in the city. This basically means I'm many miles from Borders. Then it dawns on me. I smack myself in the forehead I'm such an numbnut. THE OCEAN IS EAST!!

All this time that I've been living on the West Coast I've always oriented myself according to the ocean. Unfortunately, in Delaware, along with all the other states on the Eastern seaboard, the ocean is on the east.

Despite the fact that this silly little event occured more than a month ago, I often catch myself setting my bearings in the wrong direction due to the fact that I still forget the ocean is on the east. I guess what I really wanted to say was that I never truly realized how something so simple as finding my way around town could become difficult because of an idea, like where the ocean is situated, that was thoroughly and deeply ingrained in my head and which would later turn out to be quite significant when changing coasts.

Good-bye to Gross

2005-08-13T13:08:00.000-04:00

Okay, last exam of gross anatomy is over with. I think I did okay on the lab practicals. The written part. Well it looked at me, laughed its mighty head off, and said "Foolish girl. Your idiocy is charming." So yeah. That was that. It's over. I should find out today or tomorrow how horrible I did. Okay, I'm being way too pessimistic.

So to combat my minor depression I'm going to go to a baseball game. Geez, I feel like it's been forever since I've gone, but really it's only been about two months. I don't know why I love baseball so much. It's true, there's a lot of sitting around a waiting. But don't you do the same thing in golf? And people love that sport. Oh well.

The real highlight of this week was saying good-bye to cadaver lab. No more dead bodies, no more weird smells, no more disgusted looks from other people who can smell you right after you've been working on a cadaver for 2-3 hours. And my lab clothes. They are going in the dumpster today. From here on out it I'll be working with the living and that is perfectly fine with me.

8.5 hours to go

2005-08-12T03:44:00.000-04:00

My last exam for gross anatomy is in 8.5 hours. I guess I'll sleep for 6 of them. I'm not sure when I'm going to sleep. All I know is that I want to finish this chapter on the ankle and then maybe if I have energy go through my flashcards once more before I go to sleep. Then maybe I'll feel better about myself.

I am literally hanging on by a thread right now. Well maybe it's more of a small rope. I need to maintain a B in order to stay in the program and my carelessness on the first exam really pulled me out of a safe spot. I totally rushed through the first exam, making way too many dumb mistakes. The second exam was only better by a bit. This time I have to tell myself to slow down and really think. There seems to be still so much that I don't know. And I just really don't feel like studying anymore. And normally that's not a bad thing because that usually means that I've studied so much that I don't want to go over things again. But right now there is still much that I need to run through before I feel okay. Problem is, like I said earlier, that I don't fee like doing it. I need some motivation. But where am I going to get motivation at 1:40 am? Oooh, I'll bet the meteor shower looks pretty good right now.

I feel like eating to keep me awake too, but I'm afraid of having too many calories today. Because I really don't know if I'm going to workout much this weekend, what with my sister visiting. So... yeah.... Here I am. I just can't wait for this all to be over with. Then I have two grandiose weeks of freedom! Ah, I can't wait.

the prettiest sacral plexus you ever saw

2005-08-08T03:11:00.000-04:00

This here is the madness that I have to know by Friday. That's right. The nerve pathway to your genitalia. Fascinating, isn't it?

how dare she!

2005-08-08T00:41:00.000-04:00

I'm loaning my roommate my red dress for this wedding that she's going to next weekend. And she looks damn hot in it. She looks better in this dress than I ever do. I guess it helps to be three inches taller. Grrrr... makes me so angry! Why can't I be tall and thin with blue eyes and blonde hair? Oh, because I'd start to resemble every other person in Delaware. Still, does she have to look so nice in my clothes???

what now?

2005-08-06T04:08:00.000-04:00

she thinks she knows how she feels
and that dictates how she acts
but what dictates how she feels
changes when she turns her back

now a new plan of action
based on the changes before
things are starting to look up
she may possibly end up with more

then another change happens
now she doesn't know how to act
should she start doing this?
or is it better just to do that?

she thought she knew what to do
she knew the actions to take
maybe she's just overthinking it all
she hopes she's not making a mistake

-d

The latest

2005-08-05T15:14:00.000-04:00

Well it's Friday and I felt like I should waste a couple more minutes before I really start studying for my last anatomy exam. Actually, the studying started a couple days ago (which was, in all actuality, a couple days after my last exam). That's right. I started studying for my final a week and half in advance. This would never happen in undergrad. Oh those were the days. I could totally get by with studying only a day or so before the test. These days, it's honestly just been study study study. Everyday I have to study. Each one of my friends that I saw go off to grad school before me lamented to me about their first year of it. And no matter what kind of program they were in, it was definitely more work than undergrad. And now I know how they feel.

On another note. I miss California. How weird is that? I was totally fed up with that place in the six months before I had to leave it. So many things about it were driving me crazy. Not to mention, some people in particular. But now that I am on the other side of the country, I miss it. I miss the Mexican food. I miss the Asian food. I miss my Mexicans and my Asians. Dim sum, pho, carnitas, and hookah? Nowhere to be found in these parts. I miss how everything (mainly shopping) is nice and close. I miss the cool ocean breeze. I miss the ARC. I miss my friends. I miss playing outside with them. And I don't know if I'll ever go back either.

My plan right now is to head back to Washington after I'm done here. But who knows if that will happen? Things happen, plans change. California, Washington, or somewhere else. I could land anywhere. I guess right now I have to sit back and enjoy my time on the East Coast. And try to decide in a month from now whether or not I want to grow my hair out again or keep it short. Decisions, decisions. ;)

Running adventures

2005-07-31T13:16:00.000-04:00

Earlier this week I went running on campus. It was a perfectly gorgeous afternoon. And when I was done I felt incredibly good. I haven't felt that good after working out in a long time. I don't know if it was the perfect day or the great run or both. Gotta love those endorphins.

Then this morning I went running around the neighborhood. Just chillen listening to my music when I realize something's following me. I look behind me and there's this little pomeranian/cocker spaniel of a dog running after me and barking her little head off. And then the little bitch sinks her teeth into my heel. A couple inches higher and she would have gotten my Achilles.

Mental note: keep vigilant when running by that particular property.

Myron, my darling

2005-07-31T00:17:00.000-04:00

This is Myron Aquino McWilliams (he's part Filipino). He is a Blue Star flower of the species Amsonia illustris. He is quite lovely, is he not? My dear Myron is past his flowering season, but I think he still looks good. He is doing fine as of now, but I fear for his safety come winter. Until the bitter cold arrives Myron and I shall enjoy our days of heat and humidity in the summer sun. Perhaps we shall indulge in an Otter Pop or two.

Well that's a horse of a different color

2005-07-30T01:38:00.000-04:00

For the past few weeks I've been volunteering at an equestrian center that has a therapeutic riding program. On the first day I came I thought all I would have to do would be to stand next to a kid while she's on the horse and make sure she doesn't fall off. Well I do that, but I've also learned how to catch and tack up a horse and basically how to be around horses. These animals are enormous and quite intimidating at first. But working with them has really given me a new respect for these beautiful creatures. Of course, most of the time I am working with ponies, but it is still a really cool thing. They are so big and strong, and yet are so gentle. And they all have different personalities. Yes, this is definitely something I never thought I would do. Yeah, never thought I would be under a pony picking the dirt out of her hooves. Another check on the list of East Coast Adventures.

Big Al's Heart

2005-07-28T03:18:00.000-04:00

In Gross Anatomy this summer I've had to dissect a cadaver. This was one of the reasons I didn't want to go to medical school. I didn't think I could do cadaver work. So when I found out I would have to do it for physical therapy I was a little freaked. I had worked in a hospital helping out with wound care and must admit I almost fainted twice because of things that I saw. So I wouldn't have been suprised if I had fainted the first day of lab. But these past few weeks haven't been all that bad. So I've been up to my elbows in fluid, fascia, and viscera. I am still constantly fascinated with the human body. And I haven't fainted once.

We named our cadaver Big Al. He must be about 5'9", but he is a very skinny thing. Anyhow, we took his heart out the other day. It was incredible. Here I was holding this man's heart in my hands. This heart used to be the thing that kept him alive. It would beat day in and day out. It beat fast when he was ten years old riding his bike as fast as he could. It felt like it skipped a beat when he saw the love of his life. It hurt whenever he was very sad. And then one day it stopped. And now I had it.

What an honor to hold someone's heart in your hands. :)

Summer Storm

2005-07-27T22:16:00.000-04:00

There is a thunderstorm going on right now. Definitely didn't have these in California. Washington had the rain, but not the thunder and lightning that I am seeing right now. It is really quite beautiful. Think I'll write a poem about it.

Sheets of rain on my window
Hear the thunder growl
Flashes intermittently
The sky it seems to scowl

Safe inside my bedroom
Where it's dry and warm
From here I gaze in awe
At a beautiful summer storm

A bad dream

2005-07-23T23:38:00.000-04:00

I was outside on this gorgeous sunny day in a huge grassy field. And all these people were around me throwing baseballs, playing catch. And I didn't have my glove.

I was so sad.

I need to find someone to play catch with over here. I miss my ARCmanians.

Newark Smells

2005-07-21T23:27:00.000-04:00

So I go work out at the gym. Man comes over with big BO cloud and decides to run on the treadmill next to me. Gag. I decide to stick it out for a few more minutes before I leave.

Leave the gym and there is a pungent raw sewage smell permeating the air. It's quite undeveloped country-ish and it seems to be everywhere. Gag once again.

Working in gross anatomy lab and after exposing the abdominal muscles, Big Al (the cadaver who is already smelly with formaldehyde) emits a putrid smell that is noted by the rest of the class. Gag yet again.

I never thought one day could smell so horrible. The East Coast continues to amaze me.

finally

2005-07-17T23:21:00.000-04:00

holy shmakolies, do i feel nice right now. And it's all thanks to this little lady pictured to the left. Totally needed this two days ago, but it's all good. Might just head to bed early tonight. Mexican food in Delaware is... well let me put it this way... beef tamale=mexican chef boyardee in a tortilla. Not so fantastic. I miss SoCal. At least the good Mexican food. And the margarita I had. weak. But I had enough to get me to a good place. :)

David out.

Anatomy, ponies, and the Smiths

2005-07-16T05:03:00.000-04:00

Two and a half weeks of studying culminated today during my first exam of graduate school. I was so tired of studying earlier this week, but pressed on and now I am done. Wanted to go for beers afterward, but had to do volunteer work at a riding center instead. Most uncool. Watched Mr. & Mrs. Smith though. Okay I guess. The important thing is that I am done with that horrible test and now I don't want to talk about it or even think about it. It's the weekend and I am doing whatever the hell I want. I refuse to look at anatomy for the next 48 hours. Starting........ now!

wrong way

2005-07-15T03:53:00.000-04:00

Don't you hate it when you go to the public library only to discover that it is closed on Thursdays and then when you head out to go to Borders instead you realize you're going the wrong direction on a one way street and the light just turned green for the cars that are about to plow into you so you have to use your kickass backing skills to get you out of the mess you've put yourself in?

I hate it when that happens.

Eight hours and counting until my first anatomy exam of graduate school.

What am I doing here?

2005-07-14T04:02:00.000-04:00

A blog... who on earth is over going to read this? The only reason I am blogging is because one of my bestest friends backed me into a corner and told me if I didn't do it I'd be dead meat. So here I am alive and kicking. The first of many blogs I am sure.

Current status:
Location: Maryland. Basically Delaware.
Studying for anatomy exam which will commence in approximately 32 hours.
Recently chopped hair yet again and contemplating growing it out.
Right weight, wrong size ass.
Desperately missing my West Coast.

So now I could go into some spiel about life and love and happiness and the meanings of all these things and get all philosophical. But I'm a little dumbed down right now with all the memorizing I've been trying to do. I'm sure something cool will happen this weekend that I can write about, but for now I'll just let this little tidbit be the one that got it all started.

David out! :)